Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize