GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
