I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
