so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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