i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
