im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
