I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
