omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
