Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
