You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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