Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
