She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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