Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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