Do vagina's smell?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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