addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
