i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
