No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
