Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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