you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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