dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
