things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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