He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
