i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
