I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize