Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
