my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
