Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
