What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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