Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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