i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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