He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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