Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
