this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
