He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize