I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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