went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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