I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
