God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
