this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
