She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
