remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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