Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
