I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
