Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
