Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
