well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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