he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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