I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
