I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
