i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
