It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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