You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize