guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
