help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize