you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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