i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
