note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
