So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
