It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
