Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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