Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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