Operation Purity has been aborted
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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