I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
pray to the hookup gods
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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