fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
