Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
