You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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